The Confidence Project
Oct 2, 9, 16
6-7:15pm EDT on Zoom
Private coaching session with Taren.
$1197
Oct 2, 9, 16
6-7:15pm EDT on Zoom
Private coaching session with Taren.
$1197
I was on Clubhouse the other day in a room with the topic: "Inner critics and confidence."
A participant said, "I can't stop comparing myself to others and feeling bad about what I haven't accomplished."
The coach facilitating the conversation tried to cheer her up. Give her hope that she's "just as good" as everyone else.
OY. I wouldn't have done that. She skipped right over the two most important words the participant used.
"I can't."
First, I would've asked: "Can't stop comparing, or won't stop comparing? If YOU aren't in control of your thoughts, who is?"
Second, I would've asked: "What is the purpose of the comparison? To get clear on what you want, or to make yourself feel bad?"
"I can't" thoughts are signifiers of defeat, resignation, powerlessness. And if we're really honest, they are excuses, self-sabotage and permission to suffer. OUCH!
"I won't" acknowledges our individual responsibility. It doesn't feel good to admit we are unwilling. But once an unwillingness is acknowledged, there is an invitation to choose otherwise.
Consider these two statements:
"I can't help but feel awful when..."
vs
"I know that no matter what happens, I get to choose my attitude and response."
BOOM!
This is true power. And we all have access to it.
I recommend reading Victor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning if you want to have a life-changing shift if the power of choosing your attitude, no matter what. It was a game changer for me.
Making friends with our minds, shifting our self-talk, being responsible creators AND experiencers of all of it...
NOT easy!
But why woulda, and how coulda we settle for anything less?
We shouldn'ta. :)
Tim + Taren
Big Time
A participant said, "I can't stop comparing myself to others and feeling bad about what I haven't accomplished."
The coach facilitating the conversation tried to cheer her up. Give her hope that she's "just as good" as everyone else.
OY. I wouldn't have done that. She skipped right over the two most important words the participant used.
"I can't."
First, I would've asked: "Can't stop comparing, or won't stop comparing? If YOU aren't in control of your thoughts, who is?"
Second, I would've asked: "What is the purpose of the comparison? To get clear on what you want, or to make yourself feel bad?"
"I can't" thoughts are signifiers of defeat, resignation, powerlessness. And if we're really honest, they are excuses, self-sabotage and permission to suffer. OUCH!
"I won't" acknowledges our individual responsibility. It doesn't feel good to admit we are unwilling. But once an unwillingness is acknowledged, there is an invitation to choose otherwise.
Consider these two statements:
"I can't help but feel awful when..."
vs
"I know that no matter what happens, I get to choose my attitude and response."
BOOM!
This is true power. And we all have access to it.
I recommend reading Victor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning if you want to have a life-changing shift if the power of choosing your attitude, no matter what. It was a game changer for me.
Making friends with our minds, shifting our self-talk, being responsible creators AND experiencers of all of it...
NOT easy!
But why woulda, and how coulda we settle for anything less?
We shouldn'ta. :)
Tim + Taren
Big Time